The Things Kids Say...

So for Daughter's birthday, she requested a strawberry bundt cake. She didn't know what a bundt cake was but picked the pan because she loved the shape. Anyway, today we've been playing outside and she decided to play restaurant. I was the customer and when I was placing my order she suggested that she had some wonderful desserts. I asked what she had and she said cake. I asked what kind and daughter said "Strawberry cake. With bumps." A little baffled, I said "Sure, I'll have that." As I tried to figure out what she meant by 'bumps' it came to me. I started laughing. Full blown rolling on the floor, laughing. Almost crying, laughing. I pulled myself together and asked daughter (through continued, but stifled laughter, mind you) if she meant 'strawberry bundt cake.'
"Yeah, that's it. Strawberry bump cake. The one with a bump."

And the hysterical laughter returned.

Oh man...if you have ever been hesitant to have children, this is seriously one of the reasons that could stand alone to convince you. The things your kids will say are incredible. And so stinkin' funny.

Bike Ride

Hubby was home this morning for a little bit. I needed to run up to the drugstore for feminine supplies. Ahem. It is impossible to "Run up to the drugstore" with three kids. And a lot of times I will walk them up there, it's actually easier and it's only a mile away, so it's no big deal. However, there's some construction going on and the road is super narrow right there now and eh, just didn't want to. So I took advantage of Hubby. ;)
I also decided to squeeze in a little workout and biked up to the store.
Ah the bliss.
Seriously.
To be able to just feel the breeze, take in the smells and watch the world around me without yelling at someone to keep their hands to themselves or threaten small children with their lives if they don't stop screaming.
yeah...the only accurate word is BLISS.
I was totally enjoying my little ride until one of the construction dudes was yelling at me. I totally thought he was whistling at this hot piece of run down momma - still in her jams with a Disney princess backpack on...buuut...
Turns out he was yelling at me for other reasons. I'm not totally sure, either I wasn't supposed to be riding my bike by the construction area, or there was a car that was going to hit me or he was about to call the cops because I wasn't wearing a helmet (my last helmet had Smurf decals on it and doesn't fit anymore, oddly enough). Well, I glanced up but was too afraid that I was going to crash into the gaping hole in the road in which a giant excavator is climbing out of.
So I kept going and ignored said construction worker.
Psh... On a side note, I rocked that backpack.

So I got to the drugstore, loaded the Princesses with all the supplies and headed back home. Well, I could have detoured around the construction site, but that would have taken me to a main hwy where the lack of helmet could have had much more serious ramifications. So I started back the way I came until to my left I saw a few people walking their dog through the field. This field butts up against housing tracks that I weave in and out of all the time on runs, walks, or just to drive around until kids are unconscious asleep. There is one of those chain link fences up around the field, but it's just one of the temp ones that go up with construction jobs and stay up for years after the tractors have gone. So I thought I would just head over and find the opening in the fence where the people and dog must have gone through.
I'm just riding along, starting to feel pretty comfortable with my off-road biking skills until I come to a steep cliff that drops into a crater. Okay, it was probably more like a little drop-off that rain had washed away down into the lower level of the field, but I didn't want to mess up my hair. ;) So I went around another way. Found the fence!
No opening.
Rode along the almost entire length of the fence.
Still no opening.
WHAA??
Ugh.
I had two options.
One. Go back the way I came and back by construction guy. Chance heckling. Chance falling into gaping hole in the road. Chance losing all dignity when I realize he was making fun of the Princesses.
Two. Somehow hoist this heavy and rather old mountain bike over this eight foot fence and then figure out a way to get my sweet arse over the fence myself without dying. Now don't get me wrong, there were days in my life when I wouldn't have thought twice about hopping a fence...but I was TEN!
Ugh...

So what do you think I decided to do? Did I chance humiliation/getting in trouble or risk losing my life by breaking my neck or busting my head open?

Well, guess what? I'll tell you.
You know why? Because this is my blog and if you're bored, oh well.

I hoisted that bike over and let it down gently (hubby wouldn't be too happy if I broke the bike because I was ashamed of the princesses) and climbed my little self right over that fence. Luckily there was a street sign right near where I climbed over, so I used that to help me. Just a little. I owned that fence.
Then I dusted off my jams, hopped back on that bike and rocked the princesses all the way home. And guess what? I didn't even mess up my hair. ;)

If my Mom were a blogger...

We'd be in trouble.
We may or may not understand what she is talking about, well maybe just may or may not relate to  what she it talking about.
What would she blog about??
She would blog about cleaning, throwing parties and dropping kids off around the country. ;)
She would blog about her new kids, her little pupsies.
She would regularly send me her posts to spell-check them. She would probably get bored actually blogging, but have a hella fun time reading other peoples' blogs!

Some of her posts about cleaning would most definitely include tips such as using Q-tips and inexpensive make-up brushes to clean out the little grooves in furniture and picture frames.

Perhaps she'd even share a picture or two of my sister and I doing such cleaning as children. She may have advice for parents on different ways to occupy their children from sunup to sundown on the weekends. One of those ideas would assuredly be to have them pick up the leaves in a large planter or small yard. Preferably during the fall, where it would really take ALL day long to find each leaf, but if such time-consuming activity were needed other times of year, she would suggest that parents not be above climbing a tree in secret and shaking the branches violently or swatting it with a long broom before sending the kids out.

 Yes, my mother really knows how to clean up and keep kids occupied. And she'd be more than happy to share her secrets, if she were a blogger.

Oh and for parties...she throws fabulous parties. Mix one part fun theme complete with costumes with equal parts alcohol and tasty food (usually themed also) and another part live music and BAM! You've got yourself a party to talk about.

 Or blog about, rather. Yeah, she goes all out on her parties. Live music always a must. But I should explain, she generally needs to look no further than my Dad's home recording studio. Oh yeah...some sweet versions of Tom Petty and Cat Stevens come oozing out of that room along with a little original or two.

One of his famous ones is called "Like a fish." Uh yeah...you could google it if you want to. But you don't need to. Really. It's not there. He's awesome and loves to entertain. And he's so humble too. You practically have to beg him, bribe him almost to get him to show you his recording studio (read: empty bedroom with egg crate mattress padding glued to walls). But once he's there, don't even think about pulling him away. He's "Like a fish" back in water. ;)

So I'm sure if my mom were a blogger, she'd be the top hit on every party blog in blogworld.

You thought I was exaggerating...

She may possibly blog about my kids, they happen to call her Grandma-mother. But only if she ran out of things to say about Bella and Bentley (the Pupsies).

One thing is for sure, once you got past some occasional spelling errors, all the ridiculous Pooch talk, the cleaning OCD and the party menagerie, you'd see one thing that would make you LOVE her.

You'd see why I'm so incredibly beautiful awesome wonderful... Uh, you'd see that she's pretty cool. Ah...if only my mom were a blogger.

Linking up with Mama Kat today

Five Coolest things I did today

This list is only conclusive through lunch time. The rest of the day still holds unopened treasures for me to discover! *Squeal*


1. Stopped Baby from playing with Son's Ironman in the toilet.


2. Had a long conversation with Son about flushing after he pees in said toilet.


3. Washed Baby's hands and Ironman after their dip in said toilet.


4. Cleaned the poop marks off a different toilet seat (Clearly from a little tushie shimmying off the seat after business).


5. Had a long conversation with Son about the importance of wiping fully after going number two and explained that I would not mind in the slightest if he would ask me for help. 


And a bonus:


6. Came up with a title for my book...The Potty Chronicles

Wind

I got it knocked out of me. Yup, hubby really threw me a new one. Something I really wasn't expecting. A real eye-opener.

You see, Hubby and I have a handful of shows. "Our" shows. I've always been so impressed that a lot of "our" shows are not naturally men's shows. However, I totally scored and got a Hubby that eagerly watches McDreamy Grey's, Glee and Parenthood with me.

Such a great show...I thought this was the best pic to represent...Shows how hard they work, ;)

I know I know. I'd be envious if I were you also. The only lame show of his that I suffer through is Fringe. It's such an awesome trade.

Seriously?! This is Walter, from Fringe. He's got issues. Now you know what I mean when I say suffer. 

Well, I really never saw it as much of a sacrifice on his end because he always says he likes those shows.

He had no problem telling me that Private Practice had to go.

Come on...How can you turn this off? She's about to CUT Violet's baby out!!

He told me that Army Wives puts him to sleep and that the Bachelor can kiss his a** is not his cup of tea.

You don't want to wait and see if he chooses HER?!

So when he tells me, "Oh yeah, a new Grey's, let's watch it right this minute," of course, I grab a snack and say "Great Idea!"

Anyway, the other night we settled in to watch Parenthood, a show I have grown quite fond of, especially since I just love checking out the decor in all their homes.

Be still, my heart. Do you LOVE the kitchen floors as much as I do?

But there's a little something in there for everyone. I mean, there's obviously romance, kids, girl drama and fabulously decorated homes for women, but there's a good deal for men too.
I mean, Adam constantly has work issues and he's adjusting to his son's diagnosis with Asperger's. Poor guy.
And Crosby just recently cheated on his fiance' and lived on a houseboat for a long time. Guys would find that sort of thing interesting right? Oh and what about this... Zeke gave his 14 year old grandson a "brewsky" and has a short temper and a beer in hand in eight out of ten scenes. Most guys can totally relate to that, huh? Huh?

Anyway...so we watched this episode and it was particularly riveting. I was completely enthralled. Like clinging to the edge of the couch and biting off the rest of my finger nails. So after the final scene, and of course after I stayed tuned for scenes from the next episode (I ALWAYS stay tuned), I mentioned to Hubby that one of his best friends' wife just told me that they love and watch Parenthood also!

You don't say! YOU and your hubby LOVE Parenthood, too?!

He calmly responds, without missing a beat,
"Honey, I'm sure it's more like SHE loves it and he watches it because she likes it, not because he is desperate to find out if Jasmine is going to forgive Crosby. He's probably just like me."

Just. Like. You.

??

What? No, It can't be!

??

You don't look forward to this every week?

You don't think about Sarah's writing career all week long??

You don't want to just bring Amber home and set her straight???

WHAT????

Sarah Palin is always caught with great facial expressions...so I threw this one in just for fun

Wow. I really didn't see that one coming.
Totally blindsided.

So ladies, let me take this one for the team.

If you are fairly surprised that your significant other of the male gender can't wait to snuggle while captivated by McSteamy Grey's...If you are suspicious of his interest in singing High School students or a Lifetime series based on the life of an Army Wife, go with your gut.

He's probably faking it.
And if he's had years of practice, like my Hubby, you'll never know.

Army Wives...can't believe he's faking.

At first, it hurts.

But don't worry...you'll get over it quickly.
Just think, now you don't have to wait until he gets home and the kids are in bed to catch up on your DVR. Heelllooo nap time! ;)

Is this lady winking or does she have Turret's? Not sure...

PS: I truly do spend the majority of my time doing things that are much more productive and meaningful, but just so you all know, when I do squeeze in my one or thirty-seven two shows, I ALWAYS fold laundry at the same time. See, multitasking at it's finest. ;)

Buttered Broccoli

This is another re-run...but it's pretty old...and stuff like this still happens to me weekly...so it's still relevant. Anyway, read and be happy or move along and be quiet. ;)


Today Son had his one year appointment at the doctor. Never an exceptionally fun event, but we try nonetheless. I walked into the waiting room, er, more like stumbled into the waiting room with a whining one year old and a wailing two year old (she had skinned her knee on the way in). Whining, wailing, waiting...bad mix. I set the kids down so that they could go break, ahem, play with all the toys while I signed us in and payed the co-pay. I sat down and assumed my referee position, casually glancing and smiling at the very well put together young woman across from myself. She had a calm, beautiful, neatly dressed with a dynamic hair-do two year old (a few months younger than Daughter) sitting quietly with her hands folded in her lap. On the seat next to her there was a baby girl about two months old, wide awake just taking it all in while relaxing in her car seat, also sporting some very posh attire.

"How old are your kids?" she asked.

It had begun.

I told her and clarified that they were twenty-two months apart when she asked.

"Much too close" she alerted me.

Hmm...okay.

I asked her how old hers were and congratulated her on her baby. I said hi to the little girl who shot icicles from her little pale blue eyes. She said nothing.

"My kids don't talk to strangers." M.M. (model mother) told me.

"That's so great." I responded politely and thought aggressively:  well one doesn't even speak yet!!

A bit more chit chat and then she commented on Son walking and said that her daughter didn't walk until she was 13 months old and her mother had made her feel badly for that, saying they should walk by 12 months.

I told her Daughter walked at 13 months also and that I just think that every child is different. We started talking about other milestones and I told her how one of our family friends swears her kids were potty trained before they were one. I expressed how I couldn't imagine my kids being able to do so.

"Well Molly was potty trained by 22 months and everyone thought that was so impressive. What do you think they do in third world countries after all?"

I retreated with a little polite chuckle and said she was right.

Then she brought up eating. She talked about what great eaters her children were and how her daughter's favorite foods were vegetables.

I said how impressed I was and said that my kids both love broccoli. I told her, "My kids will eat broccoli with some melted butter on it any time, any place! But that's the only veggie for them!"

She looked at with a horrified expression on her face.

"I would NEVER give my children buttered broccoli. Completely defeats the purpose! I am trying to raise my children to make nutritionally sound decisions and not join the statistics of obese Americans."

Thank heavens her daughter was called by the nurse right at that moment.

I sat there quite surprised by my encounter, my jaw dropped just a bit lower than usual.

Is it so terribly wrong to give my kids buttered broccoli? Am I a pitiful mother for doing so? Model Mother thinks so.

I must be a pretty bad mother if buttered broccoli gets that reaction.

Maybe I should get a time out? ;o)

Choosing my Battles

This is Son.

This is a crappy picture as far as photo quality.

This is a perfect picture to show off Son.

This is a completely normal outfit to find him in.

This picture was actually snapped as he was darting out the door to spend a full day running errands with Hubs. 

Yes, Hubs did actually look at me with raised eyebrows and was venturing to suggest an outfit change.

I looked right back at him with my eyebrows arched at the same questioning angle and suggested HE choose his battles.

They left shortly after 

and got lots of kind stares and comments at the stores that day.

Eh, whatev. Son's happy, I'm happy.

Dear Disney...

To whom it may concern:

As you are likely aware, Tangled was recently released to Blu-Ray and DVD. Myself, like 68 gazillion other mothers who loved the movie and bought the doll in secret with little girls who adored the movie and got the doll for Christmas, just spent three hours trying to print the coupon, braved the crowds at Wal-Mart, survived a slight mugging and car-keying episode in the parking lot and incredibly made it home with the treasured disc, safe and sound. We have now spent about 5700 minutes watching or at the very least, listening to this movie. 5700 is playing the 100 minute film 57 times in the last week it has been in our possession.
As of yet, none of this poses a problem. In fact, it has actually improved quality of life in a few areas.
I tell my flowers to "gleam and glow." They are working on it.
My kids run around chanting singing "mother knows best," and I have started referring to myself as Mumsy.
They have requested parsnip soup for dinner.
Son no longer screams to be let inside Daughter's room, but rather yells "Rapunzel-(insert sister's name here), let down your ha-air!" To which she always eagerly obliges.
All in all, it has really brought a new warmth to our home. However, there are a few new changes that I would like to bring to your attention.


Daughter often hangs her hair over the edge of the couch and pulls it. When asked what she is doing, she responds, quite matter of fact, "I'm making my hair grow, mommy."
There may be clumps missing due to excessive pulling.

I find her singing the "Healing song" all the time. She told me she is working on getting her hair to glow. She also said "she's almost got it, it's almost there."

Everyday she asks if she can "get married and live happily ever after today?"
umm...soon, darling, soon.

She no longer wears shoes. Why? Well, Rapunzel never wore shoes and she did just fine running through forests, scaling towers, darting and leaping around a rock quarry/dam and dancing in the streets.

She loves to paint now. she's always loved to paint, but now she paints our house. Paints ON the actual house. Mm-kay.

She has not slept in her bed for four nights. She has instead slept on the floor. She insists that it is "SO comfy" and that Rapunzel slept on the floor.

Last night when I was tucking her into the floor, she kicked all her blankets off and said she did not need them. I asked her what she needed and she said, I just need a couple minutes. Then she started to pull her hair again while singing the "Healing song." She said that if she could just get it a little longer she could wrap herself in her hair to keep warm, just like Rapunzel.

Oh and one of my favorites, she is absolutely insisting that no more visits to the Doctor will be necessary for any of us and no one needs any medicine or vitamins. Her hair and the healing power it "almost" has is going to get us by.

Thank you so much Disney, for bringing these fairy tales to life and for giving my darling Daughter a dream. A dream to live barefoot, pull her hair until it reaches the proper length and give up sleeping in beds.
I just wanted you to know the impact you have on children everywhere and that
I'll be sending you the medical bills for the nail in her foot, her scarred hair follicles and her screwed up back that I'm pretty sure her hair isn't going to heal.
Always,
DeBran
 ;)
PS You guys did a great job with this movie, Tangled is for sure one of my favorites now.

Moth momma story

This is an old post from myspace...is anyone still on myspace anymore? Anyway, this is a true story.

I believe that it is important to step back on a regular basis to examine oneself; to explore our behavior, our actions and reactions and just to kinda evaluate how we’re doing. I think it is extremely beneficial to take a good look at yourself every so often and adjust accordingly. This can be done in many ways: Journals, meditation, sitting quietly, reading, looking in the mirror and I’m sure people have dozens of ways to add to the list. Tonight I discovered a new way. A slightly disturbing and extremely truthful way of seeing myself. My daughter showed me.

I was getting ready to sit down and read her a story before bed. I went in the kitchen to get her some milk and cookies for her bedtime snack and when I glanced up I saw the mother of all moths. Now, if you don’t already know, I often form personal relationships with the creepy crawlies in my life. They very often are out to get me and I never forget a buggy little face. When I saw this particular behemoth of a moth, my heart stopped and my palms got sweaty. I knew her. She had been in my kitchen window that very morning and my dear husband had sworn that he would escort her outside immediately, if not sooner. Apparently he forgot. Well a few things ran through my head. I could ignore her and try to not think about how she would terrorize me physically and in my dreams all night, or I could put my kung fu skills to use with the broom. I chose the latter.

Meanwhile, daughter sat calmly waiting for me to come read her a story in the other room. I grabbed my broom and took my time to aim...WHACK! And the battle ensued. I missed and this moth monster not only fled from her perch on my wall, but she totally started dive-bombing me! I think I heard engines roaring in my ears! She was pissed! I was ducking and yelling and waving that broom around, hitting every flat surface she grazed. daughter came running in the kitchen, slightly scared from all the commotion and stood there staring. I knew she saw this huge thing attacking her mother and I thought how she must be so scared for me! I urgently told her to run and hide in the closet- you just never know (plus things could get messy)!

The battle between the moth and I continued for another minute or so before I noticed daughter flailing frantically and screeching like a dying bird. I stopped what I was doing and the moth relaxed for a moment far out of my reach. I looked at daughter and she had her little pretend mop and was doing the strangest sort of tribal song and dance around the kitchen. She was squatting and ducking and kicking and waving that mop around like a light saber. She was squawking and screaming and even yodeling here and there. All of a sudden I had my moment of self-reflection. daughter was perfectly imitating me (well I don't think I really yodeled). I looked like a raving maniac and a complete idiot! My daughter had not stood there staring at the hugest moth ever to grace our presence, worried for her and her mother's life, but had stood there staring in disbelief wondering what the heck her mother was doing!

I put the broom away and started laughing and just could not stop. I have not laughed that hard in quite a while. It was so interesting to see how my daughter saw me in that moment. How she interpreted my actions and copied them right away. It really made me think about how our children truly are a reflection of ourselves and what a huge responsibility that is. We made the choice to have children and now they are going to reflect us to the entire world! I have decided that my children are my best source of self reflection and I am so grateful that God gave me that. However, I am going to make a more conscious effort to make sure that I carefully think before I speak or act, because I really don't know how my kids will see and interpret them and then further play the same actions out in their own lives. It goes so much deeper than just watching your language or not yelling in front of them. They are looking to us for cues as to how they should be reacting to trials, adversity, rudeness, unkindness, and how they should share compassion, helpfulness, honesty and so on. Phew...being a mom has turned out to be so much more than making dinner and going to the park! Thank heavens I know I can always look to my own heavenly Father for perfect guidance and direction.

As for momma moth....she’s still up there; perched just out of reach of my broom. Moth man Prophecies got nothing on this beast. I hope she has a comfortable night, because tomorrow I will be making sure Kenny escorts her back outside!


I didn't take a picture of my attacker, so I tried to find a similar pic on the www...this is the closest I came up with.
Let's talk about it for a minute.
This moth is incredibly huge.
Actually it's called a Hercules moth.
My attacker was more like a Hercules moth in puberty. Still had a little growing to do.
Nevertheless, too big.
Now this moth...this is a behemoth. Related to dinosaurs.
What is wrong with this lady?!
I would be pooping my pants. The again, maybe she is. Maybe that explains her expression.

Thanks for lending me your picture, crazy woman.
Good luck with the moth-whisperer thing you got going.

Moms are Awesome

I just looked outside an upstairs window and saw a sight that was so fabulous, so beautiful. So stinkin' funny. A few houses over I saw a lady, a young mom, with a diaper clad baby, guzzling a bottle, clinging to her hip. So cute to see that little guy, with just his diaper, just hanging out, drinking some milk, spending quality time with mom.
Quality time MOWING THE LAWN with mom. Haha...it was awesome. She was pushing that mower up and down, making neat green rows, like vacuum lines on carpet. And that baby was just hanging on, bouncing around on her hip, watching that lawn mower.
What a great mom.
Baby-totin', lawn mowin' serious multi-taskin' mom.

Potty Training

Well, I have officially completed potty training for the second time. It went surprisingly well! 

We had a few little bumps here and there, and I'm expecting more to come, but that's okay. 

He's gone over one week now sleeping in underwear too! And he is so proud! 

In fact, the other day he pooped on the potty (which we're still making a big deal about because he was a little hesitant about it) and he stunned everyone with the size of the uh...well, you know. 

Anyway, he came and told me he had just pooped a dragon poop. 

Huh? :/ 

After seeing what he was talking about, I agreed. He was so proud that he insisted on saving it in the toilet for the next hour so that he could show it to Daddy when he got home from work. 

Yeah, that was awesome. 

Daughter now always complains that he takes so long to go potty..."like Daddy!!" 

Haha...yes potty training brings out the best in us. ; ) 

So now I am proud and happy to say that I have 2/3 using the toilet all the time! 

Well, almost all the time. ; )

Just Sayin'

I thought about something today.

It just popped into my brain.

Crept into my thoughts.

Out of nowhere.

No chain of logic to follow.

I realized that I do believe I am at the point where I have wiped other peoples' butts more than my own.

Yup.

Yikes.

Scary, but true, thought.

I know that's probably not what you looked forward to reading this lovely morning, but that's the thought that came to me.

I've always said, life around these parts isn't always pretty, and I like to give it to you straight. So, yeah, too many rears have been cleaned by me.

Just sayin'.

Boys

Quick little funny:

Today, as I was getting Son dressed, he points to his chest and asks "What is that?"

"That's your nipple." I replied.

"Nipple? I have two nipples."

"Yes, you do have two nipples."

"Why are they there?"

"Because everyone has nipples."

"Yeah, everyone has nipples."

Quiet for a minute, the little boy wheels obviously turning.

"I like you Mommy."

I laugh, "Thanks, I like you too."

"I like you because you have GIANT nipples."

aaand...THAT'S a boy for ya! ;-)





And here's a couple more funny pics just to make you giggle. :)

Bone

I have a bone to pick. I'm so bummed, so disappointed. Just downright mad. 

This is the first time in five years that I have not been pregnant or breastfeeding. Yup, my littlest just weaned this week. Sniffle.

I am sad...looking back and missing those times that were more full. I look at my kids and know they are worth it, but look in the mirror and....blah. 

What the heck am I talking about??!!

the girls

tatas

balloons

apples

hooters

mammary glands

milk jugs

melons
fun bags
lady lumps
head lights
the twins

BREASTS

Post baby breasts. Post multiple baby breasts.

Previously nice, not large, but nice breasts. 

Now even less large, deflated, flat, miserable, not nice breasts. 

Blah breasts.

The girls have let me down.

Actually, the babies seem the have let the girls down. 

Call me vain, but this is just not fair.

It should really be a right of passage for mothers to be able to keep the full, firm breast of pregnancy and nursing. After all that...the swollen ankles, the sleepless nights, squeezing nine pound babies out of your hoo-ha, more sleepless nights and shower less weeks days, gnawed on nipples during teething...I mean really?! After all that we mothers are left with THESE?! 

You have GOT to be KIDDING ME! 

Forget sex-ed...I've got the key to preventing teen pregnancy...take a before and after pic of a lucky lady like myself and plaster it all over school hallways. No more pregnancy pacts there. Girls and guys will be thanking me from all over the world. 

I've never cared about 'em. Never longed for huge knockers. Never flaunted them. Never talked about them. 

Guess it's true, you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Girls, I miss you. 

Saggy bags...it's going to be a long and tumultuous relationship. 

Blah.

Sweet smelling

Daughter was helping me when I was bathing baby the other day. We took him out and dried him off, tickling his chubby little toes and nuzzling his nose. It was such a nice little moment. As I started to put lotion on him, he got cranky and started fussing and trying to squirm away.  

Daughter said "You have to have lotion, it makes you smell so good! Like a sweet little baby!"  

Then she looks at me and says "I love how he smells after you put lotion on him and when he doesn't have lotion, he smells like strawberries." 

There you have it folks, my baby smells like a strawberry. :)

Awesome dude

Me: (finishing bedtime prayers with daughter) "Alright, pretty girl, bed time. Lay down, what song should I sing tonight?"
Daughter: "Twinkle twinkle."
Me: "No way! You hate that song! (winking because we sing this song twice every night for the past two years) "Twinkle twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are.
Good night, lovey."
Daughter: "That was awesome dude."
Me: You're awesome, dude."

Awesome ;-)

Ten/Twenty-Four

Ten exciting ordinary things that happened to me in the last twenty-four hours:


1. I made it through yet another Valentine's day. Or so I thought. Until I got in the car this morning and heard two billion people calling in to share their AH-MAY-ZING Valentine's stories. Ugh.

2. I played tickle monster with my middle child for almost an hour!!

3.  I lost my marbles at my oldest child. :( Then I researched how much therapy will cost in order for her to deal with her psychotic mother. 

4. I made white chocolate covered rice krispie treats. Mmmm... Until I happened to check out my waistline later. I think it's time for a change. Getting rid of all mirrors.

5. I got some exercise trying out our new stroller. Woohoo! Wait, does this mean there really is NO excuse anymore? Send it back. 

6.  I tried to get creative with my eye makeup. Apparently I still need a lot of work.

7. I went to bed early. I couldn't sleep. Instead I laid in bed frustrated that I wasn't getting anything done.

8. I finally got my hair done. I was looking tragic and my friend did it so it didn't hurt my pocketbook too badly. But now I look like a star! ;o)

9. I gave my hubby those sexy cookies I linked to for Valentine's.

sorry...I liked that wink face...this one's cuter though

10. I drank eighty-eight ounces of iced tea. Really.

And a bonus:

11. I finally perfected cocoa pops! Nope, not the cereal! Hot chocolate pops!! :) Well, they're almost perfect. ;)



What are ten things you did you do in the last twenty-four hours?

Rules for Riding in Elevators

I read this awhile back on another blog and was laughing so hard! Awkward elevator stories are the best.

 I have always noticed that the behavior on elevators is so very unspoken and so very strange! Almost everyone abides by these odd little rules and if you dare to rock the boat you are bound to get some very uncomfortable and disapproving glances! I think that these rules become extraordinarily hard to follow when you are toting children around. I imagine myself in the very small and cramped elevators at our mall. I am often pushing a twenty foot double stroller, carrying a whiny baby and pleading with a grumpy two year old to get back in the stroller all while confirming a Dr's appointment, breaking chicken strips into bite size pieces and looking for my Children's Place coupon. Following the rules often plays second fiddle to just making it through the ride without running over the 78 year old man's feet, not "sharing" our sippy cups with the sophisticated business woman to my left and explaining to the elevator emergency assistance that one of my kids just wanted to say hello, sorry for the inconvenience. Regardless, these rules are quite amusing and not too far from the truth!

 

In my estimation, the rules for elevator behavior when riding with a stranger are as follows:
1. Upon entering the elevator, stand as far away from the stranger as possible. If they are front left, press your body into the back right. Or vice versa. This gets complicated when there are multiple strangers in the elevator, but you'll figure it out.


2. Don't breathe while in the elevator. If you must breathe, do so very quietly so the other person can't tell you are actually breathing.


3. Keep the space in the elevator as quiet as possible. Try not to make noises with your feet or your mouth. Under no circumstances should you speak to the stranger in the elevator. The only allotment is a two word limit, if floor direction is needed, for example, "Eight, please." Even if you had just been conversing to the stranger before you stepped onto the elevator, cease and desist immediately once entering the lift and confirming your desired floor. Guttural sounds are discouraged, as are audible bodily functions. Avoid those if at all possible. Maintain complete silence for the duration of the ride.


4. As if your life depended upon it, do not make any eye contact with the stranger on the elevator. Appropriate places for your eyes to land are: on your cell phone, on the floor, and either at or above the doors of the elevator.

5. Take some time to stare at the floor numbers as they light up in sequence. Silently will your floor's number to come as quickly as humanly possible.


6. Do everything in your power to create as awkward of an experience as possible while riding in the elevator with the stranger. Give off the vibe that you want nothing more in the world that for the brief ride to be over, as it is all but torturous.


7. Go so far as to pretend you can't even see the other strangers in the elevator and don't know they are there.


8. As the elevator nears your floor, step towards the door. As the door slides open, try to sidle out before there is even enough room to get your body through the opening. This will add to the perception that riding in the elevator with a stranger was so uncomfortable, you couldn't bear for it to last even a moment longer than it needed to.


9. Exit the elevator. Go about your merry way, feeling free to speak with others once you are out of the elevator.


10. Repeat this behavior each and every time you ride an elevator with a stranger. Subsequent blogging about it is entirely optional.

Washing Machine Dilemma

I need a new washing machine...or do I?

Well with the current economy and the pinch of pennies, not to mention the notice we got from our water company about the essential rationing of water to families, we have been starting to hunt for a new washer and dryer. A thrilling prospective for any woman who spends a good percentage of her life sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting away laundry.

However, I have not been quite as excited as I thought I would be. Hubby has been asking me if I'd like to get a new set for a few weeks now and I usually shrug and point out that ours really do work just fine. There is nothing wrong with hand-me-downs from the stone age. Well, I'm sure he thought that going to see them at the stores would put a little skip in my step, so off we went.

We took a whole day and devoted it (yes, with the kids...and a full ziplock of usually forbidden jelly beans) to looking, comparing and learning about these fancy new contraptions that wash our clothes. I must admit, I was dazzled when I saw the long gleaming rows of laundering devices. They come in so many colors now and with so many options, it really is no different than shopping for a new car. They have candy apple red, smooth meadow moss, sea splash blue, gunmetal gray, ravishing platinum, midnight black and of course your normal run-of-the-mill ($100 cheaper) white. 

The options are endless: darks, whites, lights, jeans, satin, your grandma's silk, handwash, delicate wash, bedding, pet bedding, steam, sanitize, baby clothes, extra soiled clothes, kids clothes, and a couple more that I cannot recall. They have a lost and found for items left in pockets; they have quite a few sizes, from 3.5 (totally small and way behind the times, don't even waste your time on this piece of crap we were told) all the way up to 5.0. The only true way to know what size works for you is to count how many regular size bath towels and/or average size jeans you may ever want or need to wash and have those numbers ready. They shoot 'em at you pretty quick! I personally have yet to feel the urge to wash all of mine and my neighbor's and my neighbor's neighbor's towels in one load, but the point was made that it is always wise to be ready.

Oh, they also come with somewhere around six different water temps (who woulda' thought- whatever happened to hot and cold?) and of course the obvious first choice (right after you decide between candy apple red and sea splash blue) is front or top loading. Apparently we were told that front loading is so the thing right now due to ergonomic reasons and they have a couple extra options like the stands they rest on that double as storage drawers (sometimes on sale for an easy $189 each)!

Right about now my mind was whirling while he was speeding through the automatic dispenser and how the washer and dryers both know if you screwed up and put too much soap or the load is done or maybe never even needed to be done in the first place and I was beginning to think that these contraptions may put women out of a job. Then he mentioned another fascinating feature that really grabbed my attention. Hush mode. He said that these machines would be whisper quiet, even if you have an upstairs laundry room (I do) next to your kids' rooms (again, I do). Hubby looked at me as if the man just told us we won a free set and said "Isn't that great??!!" I thought about our set.

The dryer starts up similar to a 1963 deisel truck...with a worn out starter.

 It has a buzzer to let me know when the load is almost dry and then again when it is all the way done. The buzzer hits decibals my toddler can't even match and it doesn't have to off option. It literally jolts me from my chair and God forbid I may have been napping at the time...no way Jose'. It runs loud and steady for the full 90 minutes it takes to dry the measly five towels it can manage at one time. My washer takes a good ten to twelve minutes to fill for a small load, and when it starts running it shakes violently and shrieks like a rusty wagon on a gravel road filled with empty tin cans. It is so loud, you really cannot carry on a conversation upstairs and downstairs you have a better chance, but you are still likely to miss parts of it here and there. Also, if you go downstairs and look up at the beams that are right below the laundry room, I swear you can see them shaking right along with it. They are terrible, really they are. And I think they are so far from being energy efficient that while everyone else gets rebates for energy star models, we actually seem to get charged extra for having energy loser models. True story.

So I asked the sales man a question that I tried to push aside and ignore, but just couldn't. Do they have any that don't have hush mode, or can you turn hush mode off? He and Hubby both looked at me incredulously and stuttered while trying to grasp understanding.

And now, here is a mommy confession. I hate my machines, but I love them at the same time. They are the perfect tool to use when I put the kids for bed and it is one of those nights. One of those nights when the baby won't stay asleep and just wants to be rocked for hours on end. Once of those nights when he just cries and whines no matter how much I am rubbing his back or swaying back and forth with him in my arms. One of those nights where the second I set him down he cries and then wakes up one of the others and then I just spend my entire night running from room to room to room. One of those nights when I just can't do it! So I make sure everyone if fed and safe and tired, tuck them in their beds with kisses and a story and then I put a load of laundry in. My stone age, terrible, awful, energy loser, horrible loud appliances drown out the crying and whining for those dreadful minutes it takes for them to fall asleep and I can go downstairs or go to bed and pretend my heart isn't breaking and I'm not overcome with guilt for letting the baby cry for a few minutes-- because I can barely hear him!

So there it is, I said it! Awful I know, but I just need to do it once in a while.

Which leads me back to my dilemma, I know I need a new washing machine, but do I just yet?