Saturday, March 16


I''ve been feeling a call on my heart. I think God wants me to share things in my life, but I really don't know why. And I don't entirely know how these stories can be used to help anyone, because I don't think I chose to react to the situations in the best way. And I don't really have a big amazing story as to what God has done with these dark spots in my story. I don't want to share things and have them just be seen as a plea for pity. I am still working through some of these issues also. So maybe I should wait until someday when i've seen the beauty that God promises from ashes? I am scared to be open and vulnerable. Especially here, on the world wide web. Where little to no one truly cares about you. I haven't even shared some of these things with some of the people who I've called close in my life. Although it seems that those close friends aren't always what I thought either. When is being open with everyone a good thing and when is it just putting on a show, creating a drama? 
I just don't know why. But I can't shrug the feeling. I just wish I knew why. What will come of it all?

Thursday, March 7


Things are in store for my family. Big things. God is orchestrating a tiny little symphony in our life and it is just incredible to watch it come together. I am nervous and anxious at how it will continue to unfold, but excited to see what His purpose is for each of us individually and together as a whole.

Things have been overwhelming and crazy, a flurry is the word that continually comes to mind. But it is good. So good. I cannot wait to see what He sees.

On the other end of the spectrum, I am fighting feelings of hurt and lonliness. I cannot mend things that are broken for reasons I don't understand. Things are out of my hands yet I feel that burden of the blame that is being put upon me. I have been running in circles, desperately trying to figure out what I can do to solve situations and today it just struck me. Perhaps this is the enemy pulling the puppet strings. Laughing all the while I am distracted and disheartened. I realize that God is on my side, and while He cares about the silly things that weigh me down, He is reminding me that HIS yoke is easy and His burden is light. Why concern myself with things that are not of Him. Even things that are good and a blessing, can become a weight. I have been letting some things that should be meant for good,  consume me. Filling my heart with sadness and my vision is away from Him. That is not good.

Be Thou my vision Lord. Continue to take me and mold me, using my family and I for good and not evil. Continue to give us your love for others, a peaceful, uncompromising love. Guide my feet Jesus, please. Strip away the things in my life that do not bring glory to your name. The things that do not shout your mercy and love from the tops of the mountains. Help me to proclaim your grace. Keep me away from the tangles and snares of this world.

I love you Jesus.
Fill me with your love for others.


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