Friday, October 28

Divine Romance

The fullness of your grace is here with me
The richness of your beauty's all I see
The brightness of your glory has arrived
In your presence God, I'm completely satisfied.

For you, I sing, I dance.
Rejoice in this diving romance
Lift my heart and my hands 
To show my love, to show my love

A deep, deep flood, an ocean flows from You.
Of deep, deep love, yeah it's filling up the room.
Your innocent blood has washed my guilty life.
In your presence God, I'm completely satisfied. 

This song, by Phil Wickham, has spoke to me so deeply for some time. Not only is the melody beautiful and captivating, but the words are incredible. Divine romance. What a magnificent way to describe my relationship with Jesus. 
In your presence God, I'm completely satisfied. This is such a prayer in my heart. I want so badly for it to be true, yet it's very seldom the case. 
Deep, deep love, yeah it's filling up the room.
What an ordinary way to explain such an extraordinary love. The irony to me is lovely...A glorious and perfect, EVER abounding love, filling up the room. It makes me smile every time.

For you I sing, I dance. 
Dear Jesus, I do...I sing and I dance for you. 

Lift my heart and my hands to show my love.
This seems so insignificant...not enough to show how deep my love and gratitude runs for Jesus. Yet, I have had to literally pull off the road and cry out during this song, raising my heart and hands, tearing streaming down my face as I sing for joy at this incredible love story that I am somehow a part of. 

I am so thankful for this song.
Every time I hear it I feel overwhelmed with His presence, heavier, like I am moving in slow motion. Sometimes I feel like I can't catch my breath and I have yet to hear or sing it without crying. 

Thank you Jesus for taking my heart, my hands and leading me through this life. Being by my side and sharing this divine romance. I am so blessed to have your love and grace. 

Please help me. I want my life to be nothing but for you, to show my love. To be a display of your love and grace. Your strength and tenderness. I want to sing and dance for you and not be afraid of what others may see or think. I want to proclaim loudly my love for you, my Savior. I want to be completely satisfied and rejoicing in your presence alone, even have I nothing else. You are everything and all I need. Please change my heart so that you are all I desire. 

For you I sing, I dance.
Rejoice in this divine romance.
Lift my heart and my hands to show my love.
To show my love.

Wednesday, October 26


Is hard.
I don't believe a single person who says it's easy, simple or quick.
I can't buy it when someone says they can forgive instantly.
For me, personally, it's hard.
It's complicated.
It's painful.
But when I do finally get around to forgiving, I can honestly say, I really truly have forgiven. As in, the issue is done, my heart is healed (or being healed) and I can look at the offender with new eyes again.
All of this really makes me appreciate God's forgiveness to me. I imagine that even for Him it was hard, complicated and painful. Why else would Jesus have begged for another way? Why else would He have cried out to God, pleading to let this cup pass? It was obviously a time of darkness and turmoil. The whole time Jesus was taking on our sins and forgiving them the same. Wow.

Lately I've been thinking about forgiveness a lot. There are things in my life that I think I've forgiven, but upon really diving into the subject, I realize I have not. Forgiveness is an easy thing to talk about, a noble word to toss around. It's quick and lovely to say you forgive someone. The deed itself is not. At least not in my experience. I have been hurt and have had things taken from me that can never be returned...there are things that I've buried deep. Things that I've said that I have gotten over and forgiven. I've moved on. I haven't. I still think about them...I still hold on to the pain. Why? Is it like some sort of security? Some sort of twisted control that I keep? I just can't let long as I can hold on to this, all the while saying I've forgiven, then maybe I still have a little power left in the situation where I had none to begin.

But why do I want that control? Why is it so difficult to just open my arms, my look up and hand Jesus my heart, so broken, and ask Him to help me forgive. To give me HIS heart instead of mine, the one that is bruised and damaged. Why is it so difficult to really make that exchange?

Something hit me the other day. I heard or read somewhere a verse that I cannot remember the exact reference to right now, but it said that God promises to make all things new. Not to fix or heal, but actually make it completely new. And I had to ask myself...have I really let God make me NEW? Or do I tend to just ask Him to mend or patch the broken parts?

Perhaps if I let God make me all new, a new creation in Him, then I will be able to love with His love and give forgiveness abundantly and with no strings attached...the same forgiveness He pours down on me.

Sometimes I feel like I am so behind. Like I'm just learning or realizing things that I should have learned eleven years ago when I asked God to come into my life. Why is it taking me so long to figure this whole thing out?

Thank you God for your forgiveness
And the chance to make me New, not just fix me.

Tuesday, October 4

Can't Handle It

Seriously guys.
No love.
I give and give.
What do I get in return?
No thank you.
No waves hello.
No polite 'no thank you's'
Not even a little what's up nod in my direction.

I'm GIVING away a freakin' $40 scrapbook software program here, people! And I've already got a winner!! The person, the one and only person who managed to enter the contest and all the extra entries in less time than an episode of Friends. Yah. Not too hard guys. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her to win because she's a doll and I think she'll have fun with the program, but really?! Not a single other taker?

This may be the last giveaway.
Heck, you guys might have hurt me so bad I just may quit blogging.
Don't you feel bad now?
Oh, you don't?'re clicking on to the next blog.

Well, if you change your mind and want to enter still, you still have a few days. And your chances are good. I mean extremely good. Like, visit Oklahoma and you'll probably see a couple sharing coffee on their porch over a rifle, good. Yup, that good.

Here's the post where you can enter.

Good luck everyone. Every ONE. :p

Sunday, October 2

Day Three

Ahh...back to Oklahoma.
See that pretty white house in the distance? 
That's my house.
Well, in my dreams, that's what my house looks like. 

This was a nice day. We really did absolutely nothing...just lounged around the house a bit, splashed a little, went for lunch at a great Mexican place right on the Arkansas River. The kids SWORE they saw an alligator in the river. I went with it ;)
After that we spent the rest of the day enjoying the lovely weather and the beautiful scenery.
My mom pulled out the mower and showed the kids how to do it and they had a blast! They were out there for a couple hours!

My parent's home from the front

Wild persimmon and pecan trees...and my house again in the distance




Then I said, "Oh Son, let's have a little photo sesh...

Wow...thanks Son for your cooperation!" ;)

Oh yah, work the camera, Son!

Then I heard crying in the distance...I looked up and:

Haha...she got scared when they hit a big dip in the ground, but I just loved those faces. ;)

My mom made this costume for me when I was three...and here's Daughter at five wearing it. Still a tiny bit big, but man did she love giving it a good twirl.

And Baby thought she was the fairest of them all 

Saturday, October 1


I can't believe how quickly time passes. How fast it really goes. Things that really felt were just days ago, have grown into old memories.

I recently heard a song and it took me back to a place I can remember so vividly. I remember everything from that time, sights, things I said and did, smells, but more than all that, this song brought back the exact way I felt so many years ago. It wasn't the first time it's happened, heck, I couldn't even count how many times I've visited my past. However, this time, as I sat outside watching my children play, feeling the cool whisper of the breezes on my cheek, gazing into the forever blue sky, I found myself struggling to grasp it all. Beginning to go over the what-ifs, reliving moments, asking myself what if I had done or said something different, or tried harder at something. And then another question posed itself: I asked myself where the sky ends.

I was suddenly overcome with God's awesomeness, His greatness. Those words that are so small for Him. I was struck by His boundlessness. His magnitude. Why can't I find a word large enough, great enough, magnificent enough to describe this attribute of my Creator? Answers that don't come to me...but I just can't.

As I sat and pondered the expanse of the sky, I closed my eyes and imagined the skies that I had seen recently in Oklahoma and in Montana, long ago. Those skies stretched even further than the one before me and they were more blue than the sea. And I thought, Jesus knows what He's doing. He knows what He's done. And I can wonder and wish and dream all day, week after week, year after year, but it won't change what is. I am here, now. Heeding His calling on my life, trying to show my children how to love as He loves. Trying to show my Husband that Jesus is not just a big booming God, but something more, something deeper and personal. That Jesus loves him, is waiting for him, desires to be with him.

Sometimes, it's more than I can bear. Sometimes fighting back those stinging tears takes all I have in me. But tonight, as I remember, wonder, ponder, I am filled with a peace. A peace that can only come from knowing that Jesus is orchestrating it all, that He knows my heart and desires me to be filled with joy. And I am. I am more joyful right now than this morning, because I am sitting, quiet, dwelling on the mightiness of my Savior, and trusting that I am following His will. I am trusting that my past, my mistakes, the times that I relive, the moments I always go back to, the magical ones, the terrifying ones...I am trusting that all those moments, though they sometimes haunt me, grip me and try to keep me from being present, that those moments are all notes on this masterpiece Jesus is composing. It isn't done, and I don't have to understand it. I don't understand it. But He is working on it and I just have to believe that when He is done, one will sit quiet, and listen to this piece, filled with notes that are high and low, sharps and flats, some will be played chipper and some will be dreary, but altogether the piece will be lovely.

I am trusting, God.
I am trying.
I am believing.

Gifts 907-929

Storms rolling in
Distant lightening
Good friends
Music as an anchor
Mercy, why should I be spared?
Relearning things I once knew
Truth, knowing it
Marvelous children
Sounds of the night when it's late and dark
Billowing clouds before sunrise, like a stormy sea on the horizon
Peace filling my heart
Tigers with elephant feet
homemade pumpkin muffins
uncomfortable questions from children
Little boy's legs, covered in mud
Being sprayed by the hose-- twice
Daughter's quiet demeanor at school
Helping in Daughter's classroom
Dreaming of a future home, somewhere quiet, beautiful


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