Daddy just left to go pick you up from your first day of Kindergarten. My stomach is swirling with butterflies; we've been checking the clock every ten minutes for the last hour and a half, waiting to go pick you up and see how your first big day went!
A few days ago, you went to a party at your friend's house. It was a Kindergarten party for all your friends just starting Kindergarten. Kati sent you home with a letter and envelope for me to write you a letter that you will open when you are graduating. Well, Son was kind enough to tear up the envelope in a little fit of rage, so I decided to write your letter here and then I'll print it up and seal it for later.
Last night when I tucked you in, I was closing the door and turning out the lights and said one last "I love you." You said in the sweetest and most sincere voice "Mommy, I love you SO much." I laughed and thanked you and said I loved you SO much also. And you said "No, I love you SO much because you hold me, and you teach me things and you are always my friend." I teared back a little and thanked you for saying such wonderful things. Then you said "I'm really going to miss you when I'm at Kindergarten tomorrow." I told you that I would miss you too, but I would be okay because I knew that you were going to be having so much fun learning, making friends and having a great time.
Where did the time go?? I remember the day I brought you home, but better than that, I remember little days here and there. Days that have no significance on the calendar, Just days when I walked with you and Rylie (our dog) to the park. Days when I sat on the couch and watched you sleep in my arms for hours. The day when you fell down the slide for the first time. I really truly remember these days, what you wore, the weather, everything. I can still smell your hair, see your eyes crinkle from your huge cheeks smiling. I can still feel your warm little head sleeping on my chest, still see you running in that toddler way you ran, your tiny auburn curls bouncing. I still hear your tiny, squeaky voice when you talk to me. And now I have etched a new memory: watching you go off to Kindergarten.
When I dropped you off at the gate today, you immediately spotted your teacher and gave her a big hug. Then I watched as you looked around, obviously confused, maybe a little overwhelmed, wondering where to go and what to do. I wanted so bad to call out and tell you last instructions, but I knew you knew. I knew I had to let you go and learn and try and accomplish these things on your own. To feel that sense of pride that you can and DID in fact do this, take this big step.
I was pretty shaken as I walked to the car...holding back tears with big, deep breaths. I prayed fervently that Jesus would be with you, or rather that you would KNOW and remember that He was with you. When you arrived home, you strolled right by me, the biggest grin on your face and a whole new aura about you. You seemed older. Bigger. More mature. More confident. It was so wonderful to see you so proud of yourself and spilling every little detail to your brother, Daddy and I.
I couldn't help but think of next year, and then middle school and then high school and beyond. I could help but pray for your heart and mind and most of all soul.
I hope and pray that we have given you a home and a family to be proud of and confident in. I pray that I have showed you God's love and that you will show those around you His grace and love as well.
I pray that you would be patient and understanding, always remembering that we do not know what another person is feeling and thinking. That our only job in this whole world is to love them and show them Love.
I pray that you would be earnest and work hard, knowing that God gave you skills, talents and passions so that you would be a good servant for Him. I pray that you remember when you hate a task or job, that you are not doing work for another person or even yourself, but for your Maker. And that you will not always see how it glorifies Him, but if you are faithful and earnest in your work, He WILL receive HIS glory.
I pray that you realize that you alone are not wise and every decision is a difficult one when you do not seek Jesus' guidance and wisdom. I pray that you are eager and not prideful, always begging for His wisdom.
I pray that you smile and laugh often, knowing that each breath you take, every tree you sit beside, every emotion you feel, every breeze that blows, every stormy day and dark night, every person you pass is a gift. A gift to show you of His love, a gift given freely, that did not have to be given. A gift to fill your heart, your spirit with everlasting and true joy.
I pray that you wake up each morning, desperate to see through Jesus' eyes, love with Jesus' love and mourn over the things that make Jesus mourn.
I pray that you love, that you find love and that you show love.
I love you so much Daughter,
I am so proud of you.
I am so thankful that God has blessed me with you and trusted me to take care of you for this short time we have.