Tuesday, August 9

Ramble...and a little self pity

I haven't rambled in a while.
Not that I think anyone really misses it when I don't.
After all,
it's pretty pointless.
Daughter starts Kindergarten tomorrow.
So crazy.
Where does the time go?
I haven't felt sad one single bit
until the last couple days.
I am so excited for her.
She is thrilled.
She absolutely cannot wait.
This morning she asked if we could pack her lunch.
Right now.
For tomorrow.
She kills me.
I'm going to miss having her around during the day
I don't think it will be much quieter.
The boys manage to hold their own in the noise department.
I don't think it will be much less busy.
I still have two boys, one child on the way
and a million things to do
every day.
I just know I'll miss her sweet little 
for no reason at all.
I know I'll miss her delivering random drawings to me
and insisting I hang them on the wall above our bed.
But I just can't help being giddy
SHE is so GIDDY!
How can you not be so excited and happy
for your little one
when they are so excited and happy?
I know for sure I'm going to miss the spontaneous day trips,
play dates
 and other things we did without a moment's notice
because we had nowhere else to be.
On another note:
We know what we're having. 
We know if this little baby is a boy or a girl.
But we're keeping it a secret.
Until Sunday.
We're having a gender reveal party.
I am looking forward to finally being able to share with everyone
what we're having.
And I was SO excited to throw the party.
Until this last weekend.
I planned to keep the party simple and basic, 
and therefore waited until the last week or so to 
start putting it together.
Which is usually fine.
I work well under pressure.
However, I got sick over the weekend.
Started as a little cold 
and quickly turned into a nightmare.
I have a respiratory infection
and seriously cannot catch my breath. 
Until this morning, my inhaler was not helping at all.
I could not walk twenty feet, or talk hardly at all 
without having a full blown attack.
And nothing was helping.
I went to the doctor and
they gave me antibiotics for the infection
and an inhaler to help me breathe.
Unfortunately, the inhaler is not safe for pregnancy.
Side effects could be slowed embryo growth, birth defects such
as cleft palate and bone disorders. 
I just can't do it.
So I'm throwing myself a pity party.
I started crying yesterday.
Hubby looked at me like I was crazy.
I said, in between sobs and gasps, 
"I just want to breath!"
oh jeez.
Today is a little better.
I've stopped coughing so much, so I've stopped 
throwing up and my headache is gone.
But I still am taking my rescue inhaler (the safe one)
every hour.
Which is leaving me really really
Like my hands are constantly shaking.
I am getting winded from walking half way up the stairs,
doing a load of laundry, 
checking the mail. 
You'd think I was ninety. 
Or maybe One hundred and ninety.
Oh and one last thing to add
to my pity party,
my back.
When I was about six months prego with daughter
I slipped and fell in the kitchen at work. 
I fell right on my back,
just a few inches above my tail bone.
It was awful and I had to have
a lot of physical therapy to help.
Well, since then,
that lower back pain that makes
me walk like I need a cane,
returns with every pregnancy, usually
around that time when I'm starting to really pop out there.
This time, it returned this weekend. 
16 weeks. 
A lot earlier than the other kids.
So by the end of the day I am seriously waddling
from room to room.
Between that and not being able to breath,
I think we're having cereal and coughdrops for lunch and dinner.
We already had it for breakfast. 
Is that child abuse?
Okay, that could have been the world's
longest pity party.
I really don't like to complain all that much,
but needed to vent.
So just forgive me, and don't comment
on this post.
FB update.
I LOVE not having it.
I logged back in this week,
collected all the emails, addys and phone numbers
I needed. 
Then I saved every pic I didn't have
and deleted the rest.
I am currently downloading my FB archive so I can go through 
the posts, comments and messages.
Mostly because I sometimes posted really
cute or funny things my kids said, 
and I want to make sure I have all that written down.
Then, FB will be no more.
this ramble was really dull
and my kids all just got themselves
out of the bath and are wandering around
like nekked little zombies, eating
locking each other in rooms,
and pushing their wet little faces all over my legs trying 
to get my attention.
So off I go.
See ya later


  1. Ok, where to start!! So excited for daughter to start K tomorrow. I love hearing how excited she is and hope you post an update on how her first day went! Gender reveal party? Oh my gosh how fun!! Oh, how Im hoping so much for a little girl. I mean a healthy baby! lol Speaking of the birth defects, the cleft palate happens very early in pregnancy so you are good with that defect. I blame myself all the time for the baby having one. And you poor thing. Sounds like you have been in HELL. I pray you get better and your body gets strong again!! And way to go on FB. I went to post on your wall the other day and it took me a good 3 min of trying to find you to remember that you got off!! XOXO Hang in there. CANT WAIT TILL SUNDAY!

  2. I'm sorry, how we take breathing for granted! :( I hope you can get better quick! I can't wait for Sunday!! I will be wearing team pink! ;) Calli starts tomorrow too and I am excited but sad summer is done and I feel like we just got into the summer lol but love routines and this will be so nice to get into! Hang in there pity parties are nessisary to get the feelings out and most of the time you feel slightly better after! I love how you end with see you later LOL xo

  3. sending lots of xxxx your way ;) let me know if you need anything!!

  4. You have to vent sometimes! I hope you feel better, poor thing! I can't imagine. I've heard the inhalers make ya very jittery & jumpy, heart racing etc...boo!
    hope you see better days :)

  5. oh my goodness! I had no idea! You never said anything. That must be awful feeling. I couldn't never imagine not being able to breathe. Gosh i really take that for granted. As far as the pregnancy, I will pray hard things get better - it can be a total drag with having to watch the other kids. But at least one will be in Kindergarten! YAY! So excited for her! TOmorrow! WOw! you are very lucky! ;)
    Can't wait for the gender reveal!!! I wish we could go but Adam is actually having a birthday party this Sunday at noon.
    I really miss you too, we need to set a real date and that way I can have something to look forward to! Love ya girl!



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