I've been feeling.
A lot lately.
Happy, sad, lonely, empty, full, busy, bored, thankful, ungrateful, satisfied, yearning. I've been feeling the full range of emotions lately. I'm not pregnant and these feelings have been consistent with and without visits from "womanhood." So I cannot blame it on hormones. Well, I suppose I could, but I know that's not (entirely) true.
The one feeling that has plagued me most is this aching. A longing. The pit of my stomach, the depths of my soul. My heart, every fiber of my being. We are yearning. I am yearning.
I have been exploring fullness and living a full life. The full life as God defines it. And while I have been experiencing incredible times of complete joy and gratitude in what I have and who I am, I am more often than not longing, yearning, hungry for more.
I need more. More gratitude. More basic simplicity to fulfill me. More of Him. My cup is not overflowing. I need it overflowing, spilling over. I am searching fervently for depth.
In everything. Relationships. Peace. Comfort. Guidance.
I want my life to be filled with purpose. The things I do, the things I say. Purpose driven. God driven.
I need more in these things. More depth. Deeper roots.
I want to be taken beyond what the world sees. I want to see more. To see farther. To see deeper.
I want to feel more. Be more. Do more.
My prayer is that God gives me these things, that He takes me deeper in my relationship with Him. That He weeds out the shallow, trivial things I spend my time on. The things that just keep leaving my cup dry. I pray that He fills that space with Him, and things that are of Him.
I need it.
I want it.
I crave it.
More of YOU God. You are deeper than my understanding.
Less of me. I am shallow, and my vision is blurred.
Clear my eyes, help me to see what YOU see. To love what you love. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Help me to seek what you seek. To want what you want.
Help me go deeper.
I am hungry.
I am empty.
I am yearning.