First of all, let me just say that I am SO appreciative of all your thoughts, concerns, prayers and kind words. I covet them and adore them. Thank you thank you thank you. They were uplifting and encouraging. Like I said, I'm sure I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but I just haven't been able to quiet that worried spirit inside. I have been constantly reminding myself that when I worry or stress or am anxious about ANYTHING, I am not doubting God's power, but rather WHO HE IS. Yikes. On the other hand, however, after my talk with the Dr, I was much less worried than I had been before when I didn't know if something could be wrong with Bean. Once I talked to her and heard her confidence that nothing was wrong with Bean, most of the worry went away. Rather, I really became so sad because of the concern of stillbirth. Naturally, of course. Sounds strange, huh? But if you think about it, it kinda makes sense. I was not "worried" about Bean if she were to be stillborn, she'd be happy and glorified and quickly reunited with Jesus. I was sad that we'd miss out on her if something happened. So that's what I've been struggling with this week...not too much "worry" but struggling to find joy. Even though everything is still fine, it's just such a sobering thing to think about.
ANYWAY... little bits of good news though!
I had more monitoring this week and my most recent one showed a slight drop in the numbers that originally concerned my doctor! Woohoo!! Also, Bean has been jumping around like CRAZY!
Which is strange for her because she's not much of a mover. Hasn't been the entire pregnancy. I don't remember if I've mentioned this, but she barely wiggles her feet and flutters her fingers in there. She never kicks, rarely stretches, and I don't think I've ever felt her turn all around. In every ultrasound they always comment that she's just so "mellow." We're always poking and prodding and trying to get little Bean to do a little dance and she just will NOT oblige. However, since Thursday, Bean has been moving up a storm!! More than I've ever felt her! And with more intensity too! And usually fetal movements slow down a lot at this point since there's not much room left in there for the baby to move around.
Wanna know my theory?
My little Jelly Bean is a thoughtful sort. She knows her momma's been praying fervently for some assurance and has been "worried" (agh...okay, maybe I've still been a TEENY bit anxious) that her movements (or lack thereof) are a concern. So she's been pushing and pulling and dancing and kicking just to let me know she's still there and waiting to see us soon. Isn't she a sweetheart?
I can't wait to kiss her little (read: big ol') lips.
So I see the Dr again on Monday!! Yippee-skipee, we'll see what she says!!
Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers and kind words! I;ve been overwhelmed by all the love and kindness. I even got a sweet box of cookies with an encouraging verse left on my doorstep today! Can you believe it? Jelly bean flipped out when she caught a whiff of those bad boys. ;)
I'm off to keep working on my "before Bean arrives" list. It's getting longer, not shorter...is that odd? Every time I cross something off, I add two more things. And these are crucial things that MUST be done before Bean comes. Like today, I made sure to clean the banister and stairs and go get sandwich bags and dog food at Costco. God forbid if we run out of ziplocks when I'm in the hospital, you know?! ;)
PS: Poll: What do I do about my blog name? It's triple scoop...bc I was POSITIVE we were done at three kids. Obviously, we got an extra scoop...so do I change it? leave it? Hmmm...