What's up?

Hi there.

Here's what's been happening:

I'm growing

 And growing...

And GROWING!!!

I'm 19 weeks, almost 20. These pics were taken last week though, at 18 weeks.

And then, because this post was a little "me" heavy, in more ways than one, here's daughter's room in the morning when she makes her bed. So cute ;)

The Big Reveal

When I was prego with Baby, I started seeing all these gender reveal parties everywhere. I LOVED the idea and wanted to do one so badly, but we weren't sure we were even going to find out the gender ourselves. 

Well, when I got pregnant with jelly bean, I KNEW I wanted to do a gender reveal. 

Just one little issue...

this was the year of simplicity for Hubby and I. And he ESPECIALLY did not want to spend a lot of time, effort or money on parties. 

Blah.

So we compromised.

We decided to do the party,

but keep it simple, small and affordable.

So that meant hardly any extras,

no fluff,

just the basics.

And it turned out alright. 

None of our family could come, so we were a little disappointed to miss sharing our news with them,

but we were still happy to share with our friends that could come.

And I know that most parents choose not to find out before the party, and I thought that sounded so fun; for the guests to be able to share in that moment of first finding out.

However, I really, really wanted a girl.

I mean really.

So I didn't want to find out in front of everyone what I was having and chance showing any glimmer of disappointment. 

Hubby and I found out about three and a half weeks before the party.

We are good at keeping secrets.

I hardly took any pictures that day, it just didn't happen.

:/

Here's the wording I came up with for the invitiation:

"We've got a secret

we can't wait to share.

Let your guess of the gender

be what you wear.

Blue be for boys,

Pink be for girls.

But your won't know our secret,

'til our secret's revealed!"

It was so fun to see what everyone thought we were having in all 

the blue and pink outfits.

We chose to keep the menu simple and sweet with just desserts, 

fruit and refreshments.

We did our reveal using fortune cookies. I thought it would be kinda

to just have one person find the lucky cookie. So I made a slip

with the announcement and slid it in one cookie.

YAY!! SO exciting!

We are so thrilled, BEYOND thrilled. 

And thank heavens, because Daughter would have it no other way. ;)

For favors, I decided to give everyone a little shaker of sugar and spice. :)

A little blury, but you get the idea

And here's the short clip from when Janet opened her cookie and made our announcement.

Thank you so much to everyone who could make it! It really meant a lot for us to share this exciting news with you all!

Secrets

I'm writing this on Thursday, May 26, 2011.
I'm not publishing it yet. I don't know when I will.
It's a big secret. Only Hubby and I know.
We don't know when we'll share.
For now it's kinda fun having it be just for us.
Now it's May 28, 2011.
Saturday.
I hate Saturdays.
But that too is changing, thanks to my little journey and how God just will NOT get out of my brain lately.
;)
So today I babysat a friend's daughter all day. Twelve hours. She's just a little younger than son. Today I had four kids all day long.
Today was absolutely no more difficult than any other day when I just have my three. I would venture to say that there were even a handful of moments that were easier.
Hmmm....
Good to know.
Why?
Because there's a new little baby growing in my belly.

Gasp

Surprise

I'm cringing.

Why am I cringing? Because this is crazy? Because I already lose my marbles with three? Because I just started being able to sleep well again? Because what was I thinking? Because we aren't made of money? Because we won't get away on a little vacay for a while longer still?!

Nope.

I'm cringing because I'm afraid that all of YOU are going to ask me all of THAT with that shocked look on your faces that I know you all have.

So I'm just going to head it all off the best I can.
I know babies cost money and we aren't swimming in the stuff over here, but we are able to comfortably provide for our family and we do have an awful lot of love to give out.

We both know how babies are made, and apparently are pretty good at it.

I do lose my marbles with my three, but do not think that it is cruel to subject another little human to my issues. I will be subjected to theirs just as much and I'll love the little bugger enough to make up for it.

Yes, I gave away all our baby stuff when I was positive we were done after Baby, but ah well. Babies don't really need as much as we think. I just need to buy some more cloth diapers and a baby car seat. God always provides.

I've never slept better than those first few weeks of sleeping beside my tiny, new babies, taking in their sweet smell, holding them close, warm and snugly, eager to wake to their round, tiny face in the morning.

I was thinking that I was made to be a mother and I've still got some love lying around. ;)

And Hubby told me that we are doing exactly what we want to be doing right now, so no need for a vacay. All the mountains, islands and Europe will still be there later on. Well, maybe not all the islands.

Truth is, I always pictured myself with four kids. And with each child, Hubby loves the whole deal more and more. We don't have a lot of family, no cousins, very inactive or distant Aunts and Uncles, etc. So we are making our own family. Our own little people. A lot of them, we know.

The truth is, when we really sat and thought about it, we just still felt like someone was missing.

We love our family and are so thankful that God has blessed us with another little one.

So here's the details. I found out on May 26th about ten in the morning. It wasn't entirely an accident and wasn't entirely planned. Well actually, it was entirely planned by SOMEONE. ;) I think I am about four weeks along at the time of writing this. I think my due date will be the end of January. Yeah...along with mine and Baby's birthdays. We'll be able to save money and have combined parties!! YAY! I go to the Doctor  in June and am SO excited about that! Everyone knows how much I LOVE my Doctor. She's awesome. I want to be her friend. Like go get coffee, ya know? Maybe I'll ask her this time. Anyway, can't wait to go see my baby, hear the heart beating so quickly. I can't wait. I am so excited. Hubby is too. He told me. He doesn't usually say stuff like that. "I'm excited." Those words don't really come out of his mouth. It's usually 'Cool.' But he actually said "I'm excited." Big deal here folks.

So today is June 29. I went to my Dr yesterday. Man I love her. Our jelly bean is doing great. And there's only one Jelly Bean, which is a blessing. ;) Not that two jelly beans would NOT be a blessing, just that One Jelly Bean is plenty for us. Everything looked great and Jelly Bean's heart was strong and loud. That moment is so surreal. Such an incredible moment... when love is unveiled. When adoration unfolds. That moment when a momma sees her little person being formed, when the heart beats loud to confirm all the hopes and excitement that's been growing. When eyes are filled with hot tears and mouths stretch into joy-filled grins... in that exact moment a wave of love pours over momma's body, soul, heart. At that moment, there is no turning it off or ignoring it. That's the moment when I feel like I first meet my baby. It's overwhelming and exciting.

I still cannot believe that God has trusted me to raise and love so many of His precious little ones. I constantly wonder what if, no what about WHEN I mess up? What about when I yell? What about when I lose my temper? What about when I ignore them? What about when I don't teach them something I should have? Doesn't God know that this will all inevitably take place? He does. But He must be there in that moment, when the love pours out and the tears of joy flow. He must be there to see that the joy is abundant. That I am not perfect, but that I love. I love fast and without hesitation. That I love deep to the furthest corners of my heart and soul. That I love hard until it hurts and my soul aches.

I'm not a perfect momma. I have so much work to do. I am not the best candidate to raise children. They will not grow up privileged or sent to the best schools. They will not see exotic places on family vacations. They will not have shiny new car keys wrapped in ribbons on their 16th birthday. Their momma and daddy do not have shiny plaques on the wall boasting our achievements and accomplishments.
However, I am the best momma to raise the children God has given me.
Because I have so much love to share. My children will never doubt the depth and breadth of my fondness for them. They will never wander with nowhere to go. They will never feel alone, not truly alone. I can give them that.
Joy.
Confidence.
Love.
Community.
Friendship.
Ethics.
Values.
Family.
Memories.
Each other.

I am terrified to share the news with family and friends. When we were expecting number three we had a lot of people share their disapproving comments. But you know, we don't ask for help. We do it all on our own and are doing just fine. Our children are healthy and happy and love having one another. So we cannot see one negative thing about welcoming another little person into our family. We have five hearts that are wide open and waiting, ready to hold and love and take care of our newest child. We cannot be more thrilled.

Children are a blessing from the Lord and we cannot wait to share this blessing with all of you. So now, feel free to say whatever you must. ;)

Bone

I have a bone to pick. I'm so bummed, so disappointed. Just downright mad. 

This is the first time in five years that I have not been pregnant or breastfeeding. Yup, my littlest just weaned this week. Sniffle.

I am sad...looking back and missing those times that were more full. I look at my kids and know they are worth it, but look in the mirror and....blah. 

What the heck am I talking about??!!

the girls

tatas

balloons

apples

hooters

mammary glands

milk jugs

melons
fun bags
lady lumps
head lights
the twins

BREASTS

Post baby breasts. Post multiple baby breasts.

Previously nice, not large, but nice breasts. 

Now even less large, deflated, flat, miserable, not nice breasts. 

Blah breasts.

The girls have let me down.

Actually, the babies seem the have let the girls down. 

Call me vain, but this is just not fair.

It should really be a right of passage for mothers to be able to keep the full, firm breast of pregnancy and nursing. After all that...the swollen ankles, the sleepless nights, squeezing nine pound babies out of your hoo-ha, more sleepless nights and shower less weeks days, gnawed on nipples during teething...I mean really?! After all that we mothers are left with THESE?! 

You have GOT to be KIDDING ME! 

Forget sex-ed...I've got the key to preventing teen pregnancy...take a before and after pic of a lucky lady like myself and plaster it all over school hallways. No more pregnancy pacts there. Girls and guys will be thanking me from all over the world. 

I've never cared about 'em. Never longed for huge knockers. Never flaunted them. Never talked about them. 

Guess it's true, you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Girls, I miss you. 

Saggy bags...it's going to be a long and tumultuous relationship. 

Blah.