Things are in store for my family. Big things. God is orchestrating a tiny little symphony in our life and it is just incredible to watch it come together. I am nervous and anxious at how it will continue to unfold, but excited to see what His purpose is for each of us individually and together as a whole.
Things have been overwhelming and crazy, a flurry is the word that continually comes to mind. But it is good. So good. I cannot wait to see what He sees.
On the other end of the spectrum, I am fighting feelings of hurt and lonliness. I cannot mend things that are broken for reasons I don't understand. Things are out of my hands yet I feel that burden of the blame that is being put upon me. I have been running in circles, desperately trying to figure out what I can do to solve situations and today it just struck me. Perhaps this is the enemy pulling the puppet strings. Laughing all the while I am distracted and disheartened. I realize that God is on my side, and while He cares about the silly things that weigh me down, He is reminding me that HIS yoke is easy and His burden is light. Why concern myself with things that are not of Him. Even things that are good and a blessing, can become a weight. I have been letting some things that should be meant for good, consume me. Filling my heart with sadness and my vision is away from Him. That is not good.
Be Thou my vision Lord. Continue to take me and mold me, using my family and I for good and not evil. Continue to give us your love for others, a peaceful, uncompromising love. Guide my feet Jesus, please. Strip away the things in my life that do not bring glory to your name. The things that do not shout your mercy and love from the tops of the mountains. Help me to proclaim your grace. Keep me away from the tangles and snares of this world.
I love you Jesus.
Fill me with your love for others.
Thursday, March 7
Tuesday, September 11
Gifts 1034-1060
I cannot believe it's been so long since I've written down the gifts God has shown me. Man... better late than never.
Laynie...such a sweet spirit in that one
Remembering pain. For without pain, how would we truly grow?
Learning to stop looking to people
Summer storms
Coffee machine, brewing out my morning cup
A church family.
Someone genuinely happy to see me
Parents moving closer
Temptation...forcing me to look up, begging for strength
Kaelyn reading to everyone!
Kaelyn's school...the incredible lessons it has afforded us
The friends we've met that we are called to be a light to
my six year old witness for Jesus. She's like a little missionary
Sibling rivalry. So thankful they have each other.
the laundry that never ever ever ends. Let it never stop
a handy husband who can fix (and sometimes break) anything
a burdened heart...for days
learning to treat my body as a temple
learning that God gave us everything we need in nature
my body
watching an imagination game unfold
playing in the rain...barefoot...with the neighbor kids down the street
kale...incredible
living with simplicity...trying anyway
every day a new beginning
support
my kids, helping with chores...ahhh...bliss ;)
Saturday, September 8
A Day at the Beach
This was a last minute idea in MAY. We headed to the beach on a weekend when the sun was shining and bright. Hubby and Brandt fished on the pier, and the kids and I played in the sand and waves. Later we met up together and fished and had dinner. It was such a simple and fun day. Loved it.
Saturday, September 1
Friday, August 17
Reminding Momma
My sweet Kaelyn,
You are growing and changing so fast. When I think of you, it's all I can think of...how quickly you are growing up. How big you are getting. How independent you are becoming. You started first grade a couple days ago. You were SO excited. Beaming both the first and the second day of school. Barely pausing to give your mom a hug goodbye. And when you have come home, you've been going a mile a minute retelling the adventures of the playground and the experiences in the class room. I have loved every minute of it. But sometimes, thinking about how quickly you're growing and how quickly you will continue to grow leaves me gasping for more. More time...I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me every once in a while when I think about where we'll be in six more years. The first six went so fast...I'm not ready for the next six to whiz by! I find myself pleading silently for everything to just stop and freeze! To have one more day to push you on the baby swings and go down the slide with you on my lap. One more hour to rock you to sleep and snuggle close. One more day to memorize that little baby face I miss so dearly.
And then....there was today. For some reason, out of nowhere, you turned in your independence and excitement for a nervous melancholy grip on my hand. As I walked you to your class I realized you weren't leading today, but rather pulling back just a bit. You were hesitant to hang your backpack outside your class and you didn't greet your friends with a big smile and hug like usual. Today you clung tightly to my side and when I bent to hug you and say goodbye, you pulled me close and wrapped yourself as tightly as you could around me. I looked into those sweet eyes as they filled with tears and I asked you what was wrong. You just kept saying "I just want to be with you, I just want you to stay." I kissed your pretty freckled cheeks, tasting the saltiness from your tears, and rubbed your back. I held you close and as I looked at your sad face, I was secretly thankful. I took it all in...each freckle, the beautiful stray auburn strands of hair, your lashes sticking together from crying, your shoulders sun kissed just a bit, your little nose and pink lips. And I thanked Jesus for giving me that glimpse of little Kaelyn. Of little six year old Kaelyn...not big six year old girl, but the little one who still needs her momma, not her mom sometimes. The little girl who is still nervous and afraid, who is still reassured by her momma's touch on her shoulders. The little girl who forgets that all her friends are watching and jumps into my lap as I kneel on the sidewalk. I miss that little girl sometimes...and as sad as I am to see you crying and sad, I am so thankful that you're still little. That you still need me. I am so thankful that God and YOU reminded me that my little freckled red head baby is still in there...my sweet baby Kaelyn.
I hope you have a wonderful day today. I hope you didn't stay sad and I truly hope that you were having so much fun you forgot to miss me. But I thank you for reminding me that really, you are still so little. You can be SO big later. Today, and maybe tomorrow too, you are just my little Kaelyn.
You are growing and changing so fast. When I think of you, it's all I can think of...how quickly you are growing up. How big you are getting. How independent you are becoming. You started first grade a couple days ago. You were SO excited. Beaming both the first and the second day of school. Barely pausing to give your mom a hug goodbye. And when you have come home, you've been going a mile a minute retelling the adventures of the playground and the experiences in the class room. I have loved every minute of it. But sometimes, thinking about how quickly you're growing and how quickly you will continue to grow leaves me gasping for more. More time...I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me every once in a while when I think about where we'll be in six more years. The first six went so fast...I'm not ready for the next six to whiz by! I find myself pleading silently for everything to just stop and freeze! To have one more day to push you on the baby swings and go down the slide with you on my lap. One more hour to rock you to sleep and snuggle close. One more day to memorize that little baby face I miss so dearly.
And then....there was today. For some reason, out of nowhere, you turned in your independence and excitement for a nervous melancholy grip on my hand. As I walked you to your class I realized you weren't leading today, but rather pulling back just a bit. You were hesitant to hang your backpack outside your class and you didn't greet your friends with a big smile and hug like usual. Today you clung tightly to my side and when I bent to hug you and say goodbye, you pulled me close and wrapped yourself as tightly as you could around me. I looked into those sweet eyes as they filled with tears and I asked you what was wrong. You just kept saying "I just want to be with you, I just want you to stay." I kissed your pretty freckled cheeks, tasting the saltiness from your tears, and rubbed your back. I held you close and as I looked at your sad face, I was secretly thankful. I took it all in...each freckle, the beautiful stray auburn strands of hair, your lashes sticking together from crying, your shoulders sun kissed just a bit, your little nose and pink lips. And I thanked Jesus for giving me that glimpse of little Kaelyn. Of little six year old Kaelyn...not big six year old girl, but the little one who still needs her momma, not her mom sometimes. The little girl who is still nervous and afraid, who is still reassured by her momma's touch on her shoulders. The little girl who forgets that all her friends are watching and jumps into my lap as I kneel on the sidewalk. I miss that little girl sometimes...and as sad as I am to see you crying and sad, I am so thankful that you're still little. That you still need me. I am so thankful that God and YOU reminded me that my little freckled red head baby is still in there...my sweet baby Kaelyn.
I hope you have a wonderful day today. I hope you didn't stay sad and I truly hope that you were having so much fun you forgot to miss me. But I thank you for reminding me that really, you are still so little. You can be SO big later. Today, and maybe tomorrow too, you are just my little Kaelyn.
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